It is summer 2012- officially for me. The summer has quickly progressed for many people around me, each weekend filled with a continued sense of adventure and life; all the better, each passing warm Iowa day has ensured that the nights of dancing, days of leisure, are absolutely basking in golden beauty.
For me, a 21 year old woman with an ‘invisible disability,’ my days are shadowed remnants of a life once promised. I live with constant, severe, debilitating chronic pain caused by a growth in my brain— an actual condition that causes migraines, body pain, severe back problems&pain, constant fatigue, insomnia, loss of finer balance skills& much more. The curse with which my days are plagued is called Chiari.
Most days, I can barely get out of bed due to the pain… I am plagued with countless bottles of medication& a pain patch I wear that is 16x stronger than morphine— which, only takes the highest peak off of pain & I suppose, in that, holds me back from the grasp of inanity.
But this week… This week was the week that things happened. I did things. I left the house. I smiled.
I’ll post the video of my first night following a good day( Thursday I believe it was ) - a day where although the pain followed me like a loyal shadow, I got up. I don’t think unless you are in my shoes you can understand what those three words really mean, but the point of this whole blog is so that I may try - try to show a life: a life of pain, but also a life of pure momentary bliss— where moments are fleeting but all the more beautiful with the knowledge of their temporary state.